Sex Education for Men & Why I Can Handle Ladies Night Out
If you don’t have time to read the entire article, here are the bullet points:
In everyday life, men disregard and disrespect women.
Just because you are bigger or stronger doesn’t mean you’re more powerful.
Women face bias just about everywhere in public.
Give a woman space in all things.
Sexuality isn’t just about sex. It’s about how you handle yourself in all kinds of relationships.
I am not a man who claims to know something about women. That’s not the point of this article, and that is not my claim. I only say that I know a lot about relationships by virtue of education, experience, observation, and some native talent. I say that I’ve had my share of trial and error, mistakes and successes, lessons and qualifications. I only say what I know, and I have as many questions as you have, maybe even more.
I come from a long line of powerful women. My maternal grandmother was a formidable figure in San Antonio, Texas (US). Maria Latigo Hernandez was a political activist and leader, and among many other things she was the first Hispanic woman ever to have a regular radio broadcast in the United States. Her influence is still huge in my family, and there is even a school named in her honor in San Marcos, Texas. She was once honored by the President of Mexico in a public ceremony, and my relatives all still cherish the silver award she received that day.
Maria took nonsense from nobody. Get in her way and you would get trampled. Get on board with her and you would be in for a wildly exhilarating ride that would eventually and always include vindication, validation, and Honor. You would experience the best of community building, improvement districts, supporting and educating the poor, fundraising for a new medical clinic, fighting racism and discrimination and prejudice, and every kind of neighborly support and involvement that you can imagine. Maria taught everyone directly and by example. My mother and her siblings absorbed it all and passed the lessons on to us. As a boy in New York City, I learned many things that have served me well for a lifetime.
Growing up with powerful women meant learning respect, because powerful women know how to insist upon it and accept nothing less. I learned that powerful women were loving and compassionate. I was not dominated by them—I accepted them as leaders who were creating me as a boy, a man, a lover, a friend, and a Leader. My powerful women leaders showed me the way by shining a light. I love women because they showed me how to love and be loving.
The men in my family have been powerful, too, and they taught me equally valuable lessons in being powerful. I learned how to be quietly powerful—I don’t need to be forceful unless or until it becomes necessary. Every gentleman in my family is a quiet storm, and this is the type of man that becomes my trusted friend. I don’t allow blowhards, loudmouths, bullies, or braggarts to take up space around me. That behavior is almost always a sign of untreated insecurity.
Millions of men didn’t get those lessons. Here’s what I see: Men who attempt to dominate by physical means or by mental or emotional pressure. It also seems to be a corollary that the men who do that have less education or intelligence, so their logic is faulty and they naturally seek women who lack confidence.
A lot of this abuse is very subtle. It happens when a man passes by a woman and invades her personal space, but without actual contact. It happens when a man stares at a woman in an obvious way, even when that attention is uninvited and unwanted. It happens in the work place every day when men impose their will in the presence of women who are equally qualified and experienced, but not equally paid.
It’s also true that domineering men will dominate weaker men, and there are domineering women who take their place in the pecking order, too. (What it’s like to be a powerful man who is shorter than average is the subject of a different article. Suffice it to say, for now, that height isn’t an indication of power—there are lots of weak, tall men.) That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about bias.
Bias is subtle behavior that indicates a difference among people that is perceived and acted upon in ways that might not seem immediately obvious, and so they are not easily or often challenged—except by powerful women. Men who remain silent in the presence of bias are complicit.
If you want to be a modern man of the 21st Century who is neither a bully nor a wuss, take charge of your intelligence and apply the Golden Rule to women. Do you want to be more attractive? Try being courteous. Give up your seat. Hold a door open. Give a woman enough space on the sidewalk to pass without invading her space. The woman you are regarding is someone’s sister, daughter, or mother. Be a man. Be responsible for your place in society and be a shining example of what a real man should be.
If you want to be thoroughly alive, start by applying the Golden Rule in all relationships with all people, everywhere, everyday, even with strangers, even with people you might never meet. Your thoughts about them matter, and your thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes are evident in your behaviors.
Real men have authority even while being courteous. Being courteous doesn’t mean being a doormat; it simply means giving space. Real men know who they are, what they need, and where they are going. You don’t have to agree with everything and bend in uncomfortable ways that don’t suit you. You do need to examine your behaviors and be fair and serve the greater good for everyone around you. Remember this: younger men are watching and some of them are influenced by what you do. Behave accordingly. Please.
Sex isn’t just what happens in the bedroom (or other rooms, or on the floor, or—in the time-honored U.S. tradition—the back seat of my car); it is the culmination of your behavior in all of your relationships. If you can have give-and-take and if you are flexible, approachable, and eager to share rather than just emit pheromones, you will have more success in your sexual relationships.
As for how to actually please a woman physically, emotionally, and mentally, there is a ton of information available, and not just on my various bookshelves at home and in my office. Look it up. Or just give me a call, which brings us to my
DISCLAIMER: I love women and I love Sex. I don’t understand what the big deal is. People have been doing it for a really long time, including all of your direct ancestors. Sex and Love enhance each other, and together they make Life richer. I hope everyone does it today, tonight, tomorrow morning, and every day.
